How to find a therapist that’s the right fit for you
If you’ve ever had the thought, “I think I’d like to go to a therapist, but like, where the heck do I even start???” you’ve come to the right place.
The whole process can feel daunting and overwhelming. How can you know that this will be a good fit? What should you even ask to suss out if this therapist would be good for what you’re needing? How are you supposed to know what you need when you can’t even describe exactly what’s going on yourself?
Finding a therapist is a lot like dating.
Sure there are some great stories of it being a perfect match from the beginning, but more often than not, it takes some perseverance. You might need to try out a few. A therapist you were excited about might not have the times available that you need or they might be out of your price range. And then there’s dealing with the reality that lots of therapists have waiting lists or just simply aren’t taking new clients.
I don’t want you to get too disheartened and confused in your search process! As a therapist and client who has moved A LOT, I’ve had to find therapists all over the country and I want to share how I do it with you. Therapy is a lifeline and huge support for me. It’s something I plan to do for the rest of my life because I’m just a better, more sane, more compassionate human when I’m in therapy. (Not to mention, it’s a strong conviction of mine that therapists need to be in their own therapy!)
So let’s take a collective breath to slow things down and help you come up with a plan to get yourself on the couch (or screen on your own couch - shoutout virtual therapy!!!) with a great therapist.
One. Spend some time thinking about what you’d like in a therapist.
While it might feel like the first step is to just start cold calling a therapist directory, I’d actually steer you to put the phone down and pull out a journal. This doesn’t need to be anything fancy, but just jot down what you would like in a therapist.
Would you like to see a man, a woman, or a nonbinary person? Do you even have a preference or are you open any?
Would you like your therapist to share your faith beliefs or be familiar with it? Same with political views.
What about style - are you looking for someone more directive or someone who has more of a laid back approach?
What’s your budget for therapy? Are you wanting to use your insurance or are you okay paying out of pocket?
What are you wanting to work on in therapy? Again, you don’t need to know the clinical jargon maybe it’s your work habits, the relationship you have with your boss, you just don’t feel like yourself and you’d like to, you’re having friendship problems, you keep ending up in the same pattern. Just jot those things down and try not too analyze it too much. ;)
And then write down a few words about what you want therapy to feel like. For example, when I was finding a therapist in Charleston, SC I had a sense that I wanted my therapist to feel really nurturing, open, curious, and compassionate. I’d worked with therapists that were firmer and more challenging. While helpful for that particular time, I knew I needed something much softer in this new season.
Two. Consider asking for therapist recommendations in your personal network
I am a big fan of asking people you respect in your community first if they know of any great therapists in the area that they think you’d be a good fit with. I always appreciate a personal referral because there’s a level of trust that it can offer you. It can give a sense that this therapist is a real human that has real connections and rapport in my community.
And I also know that you might live in a place where there’s still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health care, so asking someone personally and directly might feel like too much. If that’s where you are, great…there are options for you too!
Three. Start your search online
This is the part that causes some folks to just throw in the towel because therapist directories can feel real overwhelming and like how the heck are you supposed to know who to reach out to. I’ve got a few tricks I’m going to teach you to help with just that!
Here are three therapist directories that I’d recommend searching on. Most of them have toggles that you can select gender preference of your therapist, certain faiths, things you’d like to focus on (trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorder, etc), and if you’re wanting to use insurance usually there’s a tab to select your insurance provider.
A few other options as well:
Google: “Trauma Informed Therapy in Charlotte, NC” or “Eating Disorder Therapy in Charlotte, NC” or “Anxiety Counseling in North Carolina” Pop your own city name in there and that will often populate results.
Another option is to use instagram because so many therapists are now on instagram! Use hashtags with your town such as #charlottecounselor or #charlottecounseling or #charlottetherapist. Often that will show results. Click on their profile and see if you like their vibe. Seeing what therapists write and post also helps to give you a sense of their personality and style.
Now that you see have found a few different therapists, I want you to start reading more about them, their therapy practice, and what they have to say and notice what’s happening in your body. Do you feel intrigued? Do you feel curious? Does something want to learn more? Or do you feel like ahh, this doesn’t feel right. Notice all of that! Most therapists also have links to their website. Go to their website and see if that same sense of openness and curiosity to learn more stays as you search their website. The website is like the online living room for a therapist. Does it feel inviting and welcoming or cold and sterile? Do you feel like you could take your shoes off and stay a while or do you feel like you’d need to sit really nicely and not mess with any of the furniture? Again, notice it all!
Four. Reach out to a few different therapists.
This is the fun part. Or really, the part where it starts to get real. You can say you want to go to therapy all day, but actually emailing a therapist or calling them makes it all suddenly feel so real…and often nerve wracking. If you do feel really anxious reaching out to a therapist, I’d offer that it probably means you’re taking a risk (you are!!) and that you are doing something outside of your comfort zone and that it’s a good thing!
Based on what you need, it might feel easier to email the therapist or just go ahead and give them a call directly. I’ve heard that even knowing what to say can be challenging, so here’s a script that you can use when calling or emailing a potential therapist:
Hi (insert therapist name) My name is _____________ and I’m calling/emailing to see if you’re taking new clients. I’m hoping to work on (this is where you name a few things you wrote down on your list of what you’re wanting to work on) and would like to talk with you to see if we would be a good fit. You can reach me at (phone number). Talk to you soon. I’d recommend reaching out to 3-4 different therapists to get a feel for what’s out there and also help with the reality that 1 or 2 of them might not be taking new clients or they just won’t respond. (This irks me when therapists don’t take the time to reach back out the potential clients to just say they aren’t taking new clients to no end!!) It’s so brave of you to reach out and ask for help and you deserve a response!
Five. Talk with them on the phone.
Most therapists offer a free 15-20 minute phone consult to briefly talk with them and learn more. I find this is so helpful because it lets you get a feel for what the therapist is like over the phone and if it isn’t a good fit, you’ve saved the time and energy of going to a first session.
Here’s where you get to interview them too. I try to share as much information as possible during phone consults including what therapy with me is like and how I practice, that I do long term therapy with folks so it’s a weekly commitment, and the cost of my sessions along with payment options and what a superbill is because I don’t take insurance.
Some good questions you can also ask a therapist are:
What’s your style of therapy?
With what I shared I'm wanting to work on, do you feel like you can help me?
How long do clients usually come to see you for?
What’s the cost of therapy with you?
This phone consult will likely give you a general idea on if this is a therapist you’d like to schedule a session with and try out. And if it doesn’t feel like a good fit, you can tell them that you’d like to continue looking at other options.
Five. Try out a session with your new therapist!
Wow. Look at you. You’ve searched, you’ve called, you’ve scheduled a new appointment. You’ll probably have some nervous meet the therapist vibes happening (again, oh so normal!!) but you’re showing up and that’s what matters.
I like to say try out sessions with a new therapist 2-3 times to really get a feel on if this is going to be a good fit for you. Therapy is an investment in your mental health and in your relationships so you want it to be worth your the time and energy you’re going to be putting into it. Some folks just know right off the bat that the therapist is going to be a good fit. It’s not that you need to trust them immediately (trust takes time!) it’s just that you sense you could trust them over time and you could see yourself really digging in and talking about the harder parts of your life.
And if you notice things don’t feel quite right, listen to that and feel the freedom to try out another therapist in your area.
It’s a journey to find a great therapist and when you have there’s usually something that just feels right. You might not have the words for it but it’s more of a felt sense that you’re in good hands and you’ve found the therapist who is going to support you in doing some deep and meaningful work.
Speaking as a therapist, I want you to know that we feel that connection too. I absolutely care for every single one of my clients and I love the unique and special bond that I get to form with each of my clients. It’s such a profound gift to be trusted to hold space and invite folks into greater compassion and kindness for their story, their body, and their emotions.
And if you’re reading this it probably means you’re looking for a therapist so I’d be remiss to say if you’re in North Carolina Carolina and looking for a trauma informed therapist who will help you on your journey of becoming your fullest, most authentic and compassionately messy self, reach out to me here and I’ll be in touch usually within 1-2 business days. I offer in person sessions at our Charlotte, NC location and I also do virtual sessions for folks who live anywhere in North or South Carolina and Texas. I’d love to help!
Fig Holistic Psychotherapy Office in the SouthPark neighborhood of Charlotte, North CarolinaCheering you on as you take this brave step to find a therapist!
