How to make meaningful connections
Have you ever been surrounded by people and felt lonely at the same time? It’s quite a peculiar experience, isn’t it? You would think that just by being around other people the loneliness would be squelched, but I’d offer loneliness can be at its most acute when you are with other people. With a loneliness epidemic in place, it’s important to us at Fig Holistic Psychotherapy in Charlotte, NC to help you make meaningful connections that are rooted in you getting to be your full self so you can enjoy the richness of relationships and community.
Relationships have the power to be the most beautiful, inspiring, and connecting forces for good in your life and they also have the power to be destructive, traumatizing, and harmful as well. You likely have stories of relationships (romantic partners, friends, coworkers, bosses, neighbors, etc) that span the spectrum of good to harmful and all are worth exploring to help you engage in a life that is connected, nourishing, and supportive.
Esther Perel says, “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.” We take the quality of your relationships so seriously at Fig Therapy.
There are some secrets to meaningful connections that we want to share with you because deep, meaningful connections are about so much more than just making sure you’re spending time with other people. There are intentional ways and mindsets we want to share with you so you can enjoy a life that is full of connection, warmth, and vitality with the people around you. Maybe you’ve heard the statistic that chronic loneliness is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day on your overall health (yikes!). We also know that the effects of connection work in the opposite way and prioritizing connection has profoundly positive benefits on your overall health like decreased rates of anxiety and depression, a stronger sense of self-worth, lower blood pressure, and living longer. Yes to all of those things!
Let’s explore a few different ways to make meaningful connections in your life.
Make connection part of your weekly routine
Graduating college and starting a job can often be one of the hardest things on your relationships. So can getting married or having a baby. With less time available, there’s less time to connect so you have to be extra intentional to make it happen. Having to work at connection is something that you might not be used to, so don’t be surprised if it feels a little awkward at the beginning. If you lived in a sorority house or with a group of your friends, someone was likely around for a 3P jaunt to go get an afternoon coffee…If you’re working a traditional 9-5 job, you have to get more creative about making connection happen. If you have a newborn, you’re now accounting for nap and feeding schedules which means time is especially tight. So it might be a good time to remind us all that good friendships don’t happen on accident anymore.
Create a time on a weekly basis to look over your week and see where you have free spaces and margin to connect. Reach out to a few friends to invite them to do something fun together. For me, I usually do this on Sunday afternoon. I am mindful to think about not just when I have free time, but also when I’ll have the emotional bandwidth to be social as well - big introvert over here! Having connection as a part of your weekly rhythms is just as important as going to therapy and working out and grocery shopping for yummy nutritious foods. It’s making sure you’re emotionally and physically nourished!
Be a Regular
Recently, my husband and I moved back to Charlotte. I grew up here and while I swore I’d never move back (that’s a story for another day!) when we had our daughter we quickly realized that we needed more support close by and back to Charlotte we came. I’m happy to report that we have fallen in love with Charlotte and it’s such a good place for us and our growing little family. Because we plan on setting roots here, I often have community connection in the forefront of my mind.
A few weeks ago, I went to Rhino Mart with my daughter and someone working there was really thoughtful to bring us a highchair I didn’t know they had. He asked about how my chicken salad sandwich was and I told him it was my favorite chicken salad in town. He then shared the story of how he’s the owner of the place and that he makes the chicken a special way to really bring out all the flavors. (It truly is the best!) I walked away from that interaction feeling cared for as a new mom and appreciating knowing how much love and story goes into his food and the space he creates! It also makes it easy to continue to go back and support a small business that is doing good things with lots of heart!
It’s important to remember that meaningful connections don’t need to be vulnerable or big to really matter. You can have a meaningful connection with your coffee barista, your neighbor you always pass while you’re walking your dog, and the folks you bump shoulders with at your workout class. Those are actually prime spaces to be intentional to connect with people around you in thoughtful ways. There’s great research that found that folks who talked and engaged with the person making their coffee walked away from the interaction with more happiness and a greater sense of of belonging than if you just went in and out.
While we totally know some days you’re just grinding, practicing slowing down, putting your phone away, and being intentional to have a brief interaction with the people around you help you to feel more connected and present with those around you. Try to find places that you love supporting, that have similar values to you, and show up there again and again. Deep friendship doesn’t need to be the goal of these interactions, instead feeling connected to places and people doing great things and feeling a sense of belonging and pride in your community is!
Understand your story with connection
Making meaningful connections is about being intentional in the present and also considering about how you want to show up with the people around you in the future, but it’s also important to explore your past and how those things might be hard or complicated for you.
Maybe connection has felt like more of a burden for you than a joy because you grew up in spaces where you felt like you couldn’t be your true self. Connection likely was focused more on making people happy and being who they needed you to be as opposed to getting to enjoy connecting around your true desires and passions.
Or maybe you’ve struggled with social anxiety for as long as you can remember and you find being around people, even if they’re your close friends, a stressful and awkward experience. You’re constantly worried about what you’re saying, how it’s being interpreted, and wonder if you’re being judged.
This is where therapy can be a really helpful space to explore your story with connection and why there are likely a lot of good reasons that it’s difficult for you. For some folks, the safe, curious and nonjudgemental relationship you have with your therapist can feel like the first time you’ve gotten to make a meaningful connection where you get to bring your true self. Especially if you’ve never gotten to ask the question, “Who am I really?” therapy becomes a space where you get to explore that question. It’s not uncommon for a lot of people to courageously realize, “Oh I actually don’t like this at all, I just felt like I should like this.” or “Even though I’ve been friends with this person my whole life, I’m realizing they aren’t actually a great friend to me and that’s why connecting with them is such a stressful experience.”
Making meaningful connections, no matter how small or big, pays out huge dividends on your mental-health and overall wellbeing.
If you struggle with connection and want to have more meaningful connections in your life, we would love to help. At Fig Holistic Psychotherapy based in Charlotte, North Carolina we specialize in anxiety therapy, trauma therapy, and even friendship therapy to help you live a full, connected and vibrant life. Reach out to us today to schedule a free 15 minute phone consult to learn more about therapy at Fig and if you could benefit from our holistic care.