The Power of Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. At Fig Holistic Psychotherapy based out of Charlotte, NC, it’s hugely important to name the profound impact that boundaries can have on your life and relationships. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can help you create a balanced life, reduce stress, and improve your mental health. (All things you and I very much want more of!)

Understanding Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits we set with others to protect our emotional, energetic  and physical space. They define how we want to be treated and what we consider acceptable behavior from others. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or mental and are essential for maintaining self-respect and self-care. (This is not an exhaustive list of boundaries ps…we’ve got financial boundaries and sexual boundaries and time boundaries and and and ;))

Physical Boundaries: These involve your personal space, privacy, and body. They dictate who can touch you and how closely they can approach you. An example of this might be moving your chair back a few inches because that distance feels better and safer for you. Because you’ve taken care of your own physical boundaries you can be more present with the person in from of you. 

Emotional Boundaries: These involve your feelings and how much you share with others. They help protect your emotional well-being by ensuring that you do not take on other people's problems or allow others to dictate your emotions. Having emotional boundaries when you’re going through a breakup is going to be really important. Think of the few close people that you want to hold this hurt with you (your therapist is hopefully one of them!) and allow them to get the full, messy story. For the others, think of a 2 or 3 sentence response to share that let’s people know what happened and also protects your emotional energy. 

Mental Boundaries: These involve your thoughts, values, and opinions. They protect your ability to think independently and express your beliefs without fear of judgment or manipulation. Many of you know the awkwardness, frustration, and anger that can show up at family functions where there are a variety of political beliefs. Practicing a mental boundary might be choosing not to talk about politics with certain family members because you know based on past experiences you will be judged and it’s emotionally damaging so instead you find different ways to engage in political activism that aren’t as harmful to your mental-health. 

Why Boundaries Matter

Boundaries are crucial for several reasons:

1. Self-Care: Boundaries allow you to take care of your needs and prioritize your well-being. Without boundaries, you might overextend yourself or neglect your own needs, leading to burnout and stress. Over here at Fig Therapy in Charlotte, we talk a lot about your limits and how to honor and be with your limits instead of blowing past them. 

2. Healthy Relationships: Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. They help prevent resentment and ensure that both parties respect each other's needs and limits. As I like to remind clients, sure someone setting a boundary with you won’t always feel good, but it’s actually a way they are saying I want to continue being in a relationship with you and there are a few tweaks I need to make sure it stays sustainable. 

3. Empowerment: Setting boundaries empowers you to take control of your life. It helps you assert your needs and stand up for yourself, which can boost your self-esteem and confidence. Exploring why it might be hard to take care of your own needs, how you might outsource your knowing to others is a huge part of our work in therapy. You moving back into the drivers seat of your own life so you can feel good knowing your true yes’s and no’s is always beautiful to witness.  

4. Mental Health: Boundaries protect your mental health by preventing emotional overload. They allow you to manage your stress and anxiety by ensuring that you do not take on more than you can handle. A place so many of us know we need to practice mental-health boundaries but find it challenging is limiting social media intake. I’m not going to tell you how important it is, because I know that you know, I’m just going to offer, life is hard, try to be as kind to your mind as you can with your social media use. 

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries involves self-awareness, communication, and consistency. Here are some steps to help you establish and maintain healthy boundaries:

1. Know Your Limits: Identify what you need to feel safe and comfortable. Consider your physical, emotional, and mental limits and what behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable to you. Remember that boundaries are about YOU, they are not about making other people change THEIR behavior. 

2. Communicate Clearly: Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Use "I" statements to express your needs and feelings without blaming or criticizing others. For example, say, "I need some time to myself," rather than, "You never give me any space."

3. Be Consistent: Consistency is key to maintaining boundaries. Stick to your boundaries even when it's difficult, and do not compromise them to please others. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist calls this being a “broken record” in moments like this. Reminding yourself and others again and again (and sometimes even again) for example “I’m not going to drink tonight…” 

4. Respect Others' Boundaries: Just as you have boundaries, others do too. Respecting others' boundaries fosters mutual respect and healthy relationships. 

5. Seek Support: Setting boundaries is challenging work, especially if you are not used to it. Often there’s a lot to the story of why setting boundaries is so difficult and even some unprocessed trauma that needs care and support. This usually needs to happen before to create a stronger foundation to be able to tolerate the discomfort of setting boundaries. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor (Oh hi! Would love to help!) who can help you navigate this process.

Overcoming Boundary Challenges

Setting boundaries can be difficult, particularly if you are a people-pleaser or have a history of trauma. Fear rejection, guilt, or conflict when setting boundaries often shows up. However, it's essential to remember that boundaries are necessary for your well-being. Here are some tips to help you overcome these challenges:

1. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that setting boundaries is a form of self-care. It's okay to put your needs first. Also remember that compassion needs to extend to how you do with setting boundaries as well. Expect it to be messy, funky, and awkward at the beginning - hello shaky voice and sweaty palms! Be compassionate towards those experience…it means you’re doing something new! 

2. Start Small: Begin by setting small, manageable boundaries and gradually work your way up to more challenging ones. This can help you build confidence and reduce fear. As an old therapist told me in our work together, “The slow way is the fast way.” 

3. Reframe Negative Thoughts and Sensations: Challenge negative thoughts that make you feel guilty or unworthy of boundaries. Remind yourself that boundaries are a healthy and necessary part of relationships. This is also where somatic work is going to be hugely beneficial for you to begin learning how to notice those sensations of say guilt or fear in your body and practice being with them so you can tolerate all the sensations that show up as you move into setting a boundary. 

4. Seek Therapy: If you struggle with setting boundaries, consider seeking therapy. A therapist can help you explore the root causes of your boundary issues and provide you with tools and strategies. Having the support of your therapist to lean on is hugely important to making sure your boundary work sticks. 

I hope you are sensing how healthy boundaries can significantly impact your mental health. They can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression by helping you manage your time and energy more effectively. Boundaries also enhance your self-esteem and confidence by reinforcing your sense of self-worth. As Lily Womble would say, “THANK YOU MORE PLEASE!” 

Boundary Therapy in Charlotte, NC

Healthy boundaries are vital for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. They empower you to take control of your life, foster healthy relationships, and protect your mental health. At Fig Holistic Psychotherapy in Charlotte, NC, helping you feel empowered to be with your own healthy boundaries that support your overall well-being is work I am so, so committed to. Our trauma-informed, somatic approach ensures that your unique needs and experiences are respected, honored and cared for. If you're ready to start your journey towards healthier boundaries, reach out today to schedule a complimentary consultation. I offer in person counseling sessions in Charlotte, NC and virtual counseling for all folks living in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Texas.